Today was a trip to Derbyshire, to visit our nephew Martyn.
It was to celebrate his 21st Birthday and also to celebrate the fact he had passed his HGV license. Well done.
Milestone Legal Case: Rudolph v. North Pole Reindeer Team (1964)
Rudolph “the Red-Nosed Reindeer” Jenkins, who became famous for being discriminated against because of the color of his nose, and was not allowed to join the North Pole Reindeer Team, was in court following the Christmas of 1963. After a slew of witnesses ranging from Dasher and Dancer to Donner and Blitzen, the prosecution’s star witness, SANTA, took the stand. We pick up now at that point in this milestone trial.
PROSECUTOR: State your full name for the court, please.
SANTA: Santalacious Frederico Claus.
PROSECUTOR: Mr. Claus, when did you meet my client
SANTA: When he came to try out for the reindeer team.
PROSECUTOR: He didn’t make that reindeer team, did he?
SANTA: No, he didn’t.
PROSECUTOR: And why is that, Mr. Claus?
SANTA: Because he had a red nose.
AUDIENCE: (collectively) Gasp!
PROSECUTOR: Because he had a red nose. Did you know, Mr. Claus, that it is illegal to discriminate against any candidate for a job based of the color of his or her nose?
SANTA: Yes, I did.
PROSECUTOR: And you chose to ignore the law anyway because you’re SANTA and you’re above the law.
DEFENCE: Objection, your honor! The prosecution is badgering the witness and using his celebrity status against him.
JUDGE: Overruled.
PROSECUTOR: No further questions, your honor.
JUDGE: You may step down, Mr. Claus.
SANTA walks down sheepishly amongst a flurry of hushed murmurs from the audience. Rudolph looks pleased with the way it has gone. Next, COMET, the coach of the reindeer team, is called to the stand.
PROSECUTOR: Would you state your name for the jury, please.
COMET: Comet Edwin Mekkelstein.
PROSECUTOR: And Mr. Mekkelstein, you are the Head Coach of the North Pole Reindeer Team. Is that correct?
COMET: Yes.
PROSECUTOR: The official team SANTA uses to fly around the world on Christmas Eve?
COMET: Yes, that’s correct.
PROSECUTOR: Did you know, Mr. Mekkelstein, that Rudolph’s parents went to the extreme of covering his nose with mud to make it look black? Were you aware of that, Mr. Mekkelsteien?
COMET: No, I was not.
PROSECUTOR: His parents put dirt on his face, Mr. Mekkelstein. Dirt! So he would look the way he is supposed to look. I don’t know about you but I think that is pretty sick.
COMET: It is unfortunate.
PROSECUTOR: But when the dirt rubbed off, his father made him wear a prosthetic nose. A prosthetic black nose, Mr. Mekkelstein, so that maybe he would have a chance with the reindeer team. But that prosthetic nose didn’t stay on, and everyone saw that his nose was in fact red.
COMET: Yes, they did. You have to understand that we had a lot of concerns at the time. We felt his nose could cause an unraveling of the unity of our team. As a team of flying reindeer unity is paramount. You also have to understand that we have to fly around the entire world in one night and deliver presents to all the good children. We have to land safely on the roof and work collectively to shove SANTA down the chimney, and God love him but that man has a weight problem.
SANTA: Hey!
The judge pounds on the gavel to silence SANTA.
JUDGE: Order in this court!
COMET: Also, you have to understand, we had never seen a deformity like that before. For all we knew it was some kind of epidemic that could infect everyone.
PROSECUTOR: SO, ignorance is your DEFENSE! Mr. Mekkelstein, looking at the records it seems that, and I quote, “one foggy Christmas Eve” Mr. Claus and the reindeer team were in a dilemma. Do you remember that “foggy Christmas Eve,” Mr. Mekkelstein?
COMET: Yes, I do.
PROSECUTOR: And what was the problem, Mr. Mekkelstein?
COMET: We couldn’t see because it was foggy.
PROSECUTOR: So foggy in fact, that, and I’m quoting from witness Frosty the Snowman’s official statement again: “Then one foggy Christmas Eve, SANTA came to say, ‘Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide our sleigh tonight.'”
He pauses for a moment, letting it all sink in.
PROSECUTOR: Sounds like a desperate man, doesn’t it. Sounds like a man who is begging for the help of a small reindeer who he once shunned. A reindeer whose onetime handicap has now become a literal light in the storm! Isn’t that right, Mr. Mekkelstein!
REALLY RELIGIOUS ELF: Hallelujah!
JUDGE: Order in this court!
COMET: Yes, yes! Okay! Yes! We discriminated against Rudolph and then we unfairly put him on the spot when we needed a really bright light to get through the storm.
PROSECUTOR: Mr. Mekkelstein, you have hit the nail on the head. My client feels he was abused by the reindeer team every which way and he is seeking restitution. Do you think that’s too much to ask?
COMET: No, I guess not.
PROSECUTOR: Thank you, Mr. Mekkelstein. No further questions. You may step down.
SAME REALLY RELIGIOUS ELF: Praise Jesus!
COMET walks through the court trying not to look SANTA in the eye. Consequently he fell onto Lady Snowina’s lap and is slapped.
The trial continued and both the DEFENCE and prosecution called several more witnesses.
Finally, Rudolph was called to the stand. He gave a heartfelt testimony full of tears and hope and a little bit of peppermint oatmeal.
The prosecution quoted Frosty the Snowman’s testimony, reminding the court that after SANTA asked him to guide them through the storm, “then how the reindeer loved [SANTA],” pointing out that Rudolph seemed at that time not to hold contempt for SANTA.
In the end, the jury found the North Pole Reindeer Team guilty on 12 counts of discrimination, laughing at, calling names, not allowing to participate in reindeer games (such as Monopoly, for example), and putting on the spot after doing said things. Their statement was as follows:
“We the jury find COMET Mekkelstein, SANTA Claus, and the entire North Pole Reindeer Team guilty of conspiring to discriminate against a fellow reindeer based only on the rosy hue of his nose.
Although we have found that Rudolph Donner did indeed have a very shiny nose that if you ever saw you might think glowed, we do not believe this was cause enough for the laughing, reindeer game segregation, and otherwise unreindeer-like behavior. We believe that Rudolph is an inspiration to weirdos everywhere, and we would like to shout out with glee, but we have to use quiet voices since we’re in court, but still we think, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer will go down in history…in a good way, we mean.
Merry Christmas to One and All
Merry Christmas everyone.
Enjoy the festive season, and our thoughts go to all those who have to work over this period.
and to keep an eye on Santa
For a number of years now we have kept an eye on Santa as he travels round the world, thanks to NORAD.
Keep an eye on him yourself:
A Modelling Photographic ‘Night Before Christmas’
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the site
Not a creature was stirring and noone to fight.
The pictures were posted on profiles with care,
In hopes that the bookings soon would be there.
The togs were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of TF danced in their heads.
And models in their underwear, some even nude,
Were posting new pictures, some rather rude.
When out on the forum there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my computer I flew like a flash,
Opened the browser and refreshed the cache.
The posting was new and fresh on the thread,
And what I was reading filled me with dread.
With fear that cut to the depths of my soul,
I saw a new message from the internet troll.
“Now chaperone, now no-show, now GWC!
On part paid, full paid and TFCD!
Canon and Nikon and some other kind
Are you a perv or are you just blind?”
As replies filled the site with meaningless junk,
The mods came online and got in a funk.
The threads were locked, the defences were manned,
And before I could post, the troll he was banned.
He sprang to his keyboard and went to reply,
and they drove him away before he could try.
But I heard him exclaim, as he logged off the site,
“Bah Humbug to all, and to all a bad night”
Thanks to Sean for posting this.
Biker’s Night Before Christmas
The Biker’s Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
There was nada happenin’, now that’s pretty bad.
The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine,
In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene.
With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer,
My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer.
When out in the yard there arose such a racket,
I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.
I saw a large bro’ on a ’56 Pan
Wearin’ black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man).
He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks,
And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks.
I couldn’t help gawking, the old guy had class.
But I had to go in — I was freezing my ass.
Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash,
And out of the stove he came dragging his stash.
With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot,
A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot.
He patted her fanny and shook my right hand,
Spun on his heel and up the stovepipe he ran.
From up on the roof came a great deal of thunder,
As that massive V-twin ripped the silence asunder.
With beard in the wind, he roared off in the night,
Shouting, “Have a cool Yule, and to all a good ride!”
Christmas Party
Well tonight was the works Christmas Party. An evening of fine food, a couple of comedians, disco and live band.
A chance to let your hair down and relax.
Hope you all have a good Christmas and your Christmas parties go well.
Lunar Eclipse
This morning was a luna eclipse, this one being a little more special then most as it was the first in 400 years to occur on the winter solstice.
Heres the luna eclipse I photographed back in 2007.
This provides a good photographic challenge, all thats needed is a long lens, a typical consumer 70-300mm telephoto zoom will do the job.
Metering for exposure can be difficult, the moon is brighter then you might expect, that together with the black sky will trick you meter into the wrong exposure. Use manual and your histogram to judge, shoot in RAW if you can not jpeg, and use a good tripod.
You will find you need to adjust the composition regularly as the moon moves quite quickly across the frame.
See bbc.co.uk for more details about the eclipse.
Update:
Chris Bennet managed to get some photos of this mornings elipse, you can see them here.
Hoar Frost
Another bitterly cold day, the ride to work was -8°C, I don’t even want to think what the wind chill factor was.
It was a foggy ride in, but as the fog cleared it revealed a beautiful view of hoar frost encrusted trees illuminated in golden sunlight from the low winter sun.
With days like this I wish I had more time for photography. I always seem to book indoor studio shoots during great photography weather and if I am on location the weather is awful. Thats fate I suppose!
Birthday Post
Another Birthday passes by, unfortunately I had to work and it was quite a busy and hellish day all told.
Tonight was a nice meal out, good food, good drink, finished off at home with a rather nice bottle of red wine I had for the occasion.
Thank you everyone for the presents and thanks to my dear wife for the wonderful weekend photography course last week. It made a lovely birthday present.